(Inspired by Psalm 13)
How long can I go on this way, Lord? I feel like You’ve forgotten me, like I’m cut off from Your presence.
My grief is a giant wall around me that I’ll never be able to climb over or hack my way through. I spend every waking hour in turmoil, wrestling with the fears that threaten to defeat me completely.
The minutes are hours long – even longer in the sleepless nights. My heart is a painful lump of lead in my chest; I feel too heavy to rise up. Satan has me in the vice-like grip of despair and isn’t about to let go.
Can’t You understand how desperate I am, Father? If I don’t see a glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel soon, I’ll shrivel up and die. Then Satan will gloat because he’ll have what he’s always been after – my destruction.
But I’m clinging to what I know in the core of my being: that You, Father, are love in its highest and purest form; that You have loved me from the beginning and will love me to the end; that Your love is my salvation now and forever.
And as I think about that and remember all You have been to me and all You have done for me, my heaviness starts to shift and my heart stirs. My circumstances haven’t changed, but somehow my thoughts have been lifted as I raise them to You.
I’m amazed to discover that I can once more feel Your presence as I praise You, and Your presence gives me light and strength. My praise of You raises me, reassures me, resurrects me, and my battered heart can still rejoice because You are still my salvation.